Melani Blazer

I had an adventure today. In conjunction with the EDJ (Evil Day Job), I had to attend a meeting in a town about 40 minutes, and one time zone away.

First, I needed slapped for volunteering to go to this meeting before knowing the details. I was thinking, “oooh, time off work, free food, yada yada.” I missed the fine print about getting up before the bars closed, don dressier clothes than normal and drive a road rarely traveled (by moi) in the dark. And rain, did I mention the icy cold rain?

I kinda sorta knew where I was going. Clearly darkness and rain clouded my common sense because in a flash of over confidence, I went a direction OTHER than Mapquest’s suggestions. But I got there, even found the road okay. Avoided running red lights, getting pulled over or even carjacked. (My alternate route included a tour of ghetto-land. Scary in the dark, really…)

So I see hotel/conference center and I’m feeling pretty damn proud of myself. Until I realize I have to park in a parking garage. I pull up, have no clue I have to get a parking ticket. I was the person everyone yells at. The one who left their brains at home in bed and it’s surprising she knows what foot her shoes go on. The attendant comes over and stabs the button that clearly states “push here for ticket” Oh. Doh.

“Never been here before,” I offer.

Grunt.

TSTL, oh yeah, it’s all over my forehead.

So I drive forward, wondering WTF just happened. I’m usually the one who’s got her shit together. I “do” these kind of things. I’m not afraid.
Yeah, tell that to the panic attack building in my chest as I realize I have to… da da dum…enter a parking garage. A below ground parking garage.

First, I had a tense moment as my Jeep barely, I mean barely, skittered under the sign advising the maximum height. Dude, it’s a Liberty. These things aren’t THAT tall. I swear I heard the plastic thingy scrape the plastic rails on the roof. (cringe)

But luckily the powers that be knew I was at breaking point and hadn’t even made it in the building yet, so a parking place was immediately available and I was able to park quickly. I sat there for a moment.

If you know me at all, you realize this is so not like me. I was even pinching myself and wondering who’d brain-napped me today.

This was the thought on my mind as I wound my way–on foot now—through this windy, under-contruction parking garage until I found the entrance to the lobby. Once there, I looked back in a moment of extreme disbelief. I’d been so caught up in my own thoughts I hadn’t bothered to map my way back. In my own defense, let me say it’s only about 7am. I’m usually arguing with a snooze button, not proving myself one really uncool dumbass in an out-of-town parking garage.

But, I win.
After the meeting I retrace my steps to the lobby, find the door I came in and with only a few missteps, found the Jeep. I had no idea how to EXIT said parking garage–no, there were no signs, thanks to crazy construction. I decided to wait and follow someone smarter than me. Within two minutes, a black sedan passed heading out the way I came in. Wah-lah, it IS a two way road. Thankfully, someone had come before me and completely wiped OUT the plastic sign warning of the low ceiling, so I exited without threat of property damage. (Tho’ while walking through garage, I see all kinds of vans and SUVs–how the hell had they gotten down there without caving in their roofs? Was there a tall-car entrance I’d not been told about?)

I was almost free, but I had to do something with the ticket thing I was forced to take upon entering. Unwilling to try anything–and making it worse than it alread was, I simply handed the same attendant (bless hims heart) my free pass and ticket. I smiled through my humiliation as he exited his booth, walked around the Jeep and swiped the pass and the ticket in the boxy thingy I’d driven past. Er, oops.
It’s a good thing I don’t frequent the area. I clearly don’t have the mentality to handle parking garages. At all.

But today, I survived and if I didn’t tell this story, I could claim surpeme victory. Instead, you get the truth. It was touch and go, nearly went into overtime, but at the end, I got the “W” in the column. Take that.